Merry Christmas and a room rocking boxing day

Christmas has been brief but nice and today i was shaken to my senses again by a 7.2 Richter earthquake.
After school on Friday i went from feeling queezy and wanting to go to bed, to maybe trying a noodle place, to just a quiet game of pool, to a couple of drinks in Changhua to a full on all-ya-can-drink bar in the big Taichung with Andy, Rob and our very own Nick. Andy introduced me to the Taiwanese girls he was talking to and Nick went to lose money to Rob at the table-football ... table. thing. I joined Andy for some drinking games and enjoyed the endless flow of beer to my cup. Before long, Rob wanted to go to a club... having paid 500 to get in i passed.
The very kind Taiwanese girls let me kip on their floor for the night.
The next day i trailed round Taichung, Changhua and Yuanlin in search of a secret santa present.. when i finally got back to the house, Pascal was ready to go to a KTV with his Chinese mates and invited me along. We were picked up by our landlords son Walter, in a mini cooper coupe. it was sweet: speedometer was 12" diameter!
Pascal's Chinese friends were mainly late twenties early thirties.
i learnt quickly that if you want to drink you have to first toast somebody else in the room and you drink together. As most Taiwanese are not the best of drinkers, they all ended up toasting me or Pascal; ... so before long the tracks were on and i was crooning away with Walter harmonising in the background: 'he's quite a good singer' i kept telling everyone.
While we'd been inside we'd learnt it was Gareth's bday the same day and they were having a party somewhere;
sadly by the time we left we weren't in much shape to go anywhere else. So you can imagine our surprise when we stumbled into Jena, Andy and Ray coming out of a neighbouring KTV booth. We had all been in the same place for the last 4 hours. ah well. what can you do!?
Christmas Eve came; didn't wake til 2or3. Sharne came round for lunch which was nice.. and after she left i decided to write all the Chinese New Year cards that had been sat on my desk for a month. I was still doing it at 2 in the morning and on Christmas morning. By noon I had 16 done... cycled to the postoffice to work-up an appetite for Christmas dinner. I was hoping for stickers; it was not to be. 16 licks of 16 stamps later, i noticed i hadn't put an airmail sticker on... the desk had a tube of PVA glue and a paintbrush... this was gonna be a mission! but by 2 i was ready to leave... right after id queued up again to ask which postbox to put them in.
Nick, Pascal, Sam and I all met at the station and took the train to Stu's in Changhua: between us, a spectrum of clothes from formal to scruffy.

On arrival everyone dumped their presents under the tree as discreetly as possible and made their ways to the kitchen. It was a really nice afternoon. Everyone looked quite worn from the heavy weekend... Jena had a fever, Nick a sore throat, Dave a sprained ankle, Gareth backache... worn but content. The food was fantastic: i've never seen so many meets together since ive been out here.
Unfortunately for whatever reason, the wine and the food didn't mix so well and after taking a walk to get some air and digest... i found myself throwing up... which was odd. The feeling didn't go away so i collected my things and headed home, doing my best to control my stomach on the train and then on my scooter. i spent the rest of xmas night watching Batman Begins... until it was late enough to ring home and have a natter.
Today - Boxing Day - I was back at school; still feeling rough with an oral exam for 20 kids, a presentation and a cover lesson to look forward to. The cycle in didn't help things... almost hit a Volvo coming down the hill: even if i had something loud enough for him to hear, he wouldn't have stopped in time... i slammed the breaks and waited planning the best place to land... to my astonishment the bike stopped inches from his bonnet: still far too much adrenaline for this time of day.
I started the exam extra early to insure i wouldnt be late for the presentation class. Extra early, but i still finished a minute over. The presentation was with my Kindergarten class KC. most classes are 1:30: that's 30 min practice.30 mins correction or modify plan and then 30 mins presentation to parents. KC classes are only an hour long; that's practice 30mins and then do! whether it needs modifying or not. Luckily they were on the ball today. They were a bit shy in front of the parents but we got through everything... including 'We wish you a merry Christmas' as a cheezy touch to finish. By the end my head was somewhere else... i could hear my voice, but had no idea what i was saying.
So in the next lesson when the earthquake struck, it took the kids to point it out to me. I thought they were trying to correct me on the answer i'd just given 'no i'm sure that's right' i was saying, when boom, everything shook and then started swaying... and for a long time. It's only the second movement i've felt in Taiwan.
Now people say we fear what we don't know... but in this case; the kids looked all the more scared for knowing what could happen than i did in my blissfull ignorance. We are conditioned to respond. It's only now as I look at the BBC web report that I realise how bad things could have been: and on the 2nd anniversary of the Asian Tsunami. As Nick pointed out later, there are no national policies or safety measures that cover earthquakes as they have in Japan. Let's hope we'll never be in a position in which we need to use them.

Ms X and the red scooter

I know that everyone back home will be devastated to hear that Katrina the red scooter (what! Everybody names their scooters! … no I’m not getting lonely!) was involved in a collision with a high kerb outside a supermarket this week.
At the time we weren’t sure if she was going to make it: the front forks were twisted out of place… she was lying cold on the floor covered in mud. I tried twice to revive her, but she kept rolling back on her side.
Luckily a local couple noticed her distress and rode quickly to the nearest mechanic. He came sprinting onto the carpark with all the heroic grace and style of David Hassehoff. As soon as I saw him, my heart leapt; she was going to be OK.

We all followed as the mechanic moved her to his workshop. He said that he would have to keep her overnight and that only in the morning would we know what her chances were. It was a sleepless night for everyone involved. Possibly the longest night since I’ve been in Taiwan. The next day I returned to the workshop. Oh happy day! There she was outside on the roadside; weak but very much alive and on the road to recovery. I thanked the mechanic and he said something in Chinese… then I rode home; forever indebted to Mr Mechanic

Now some of you are probably wondering how the scooter hit the kerb in the first place.
Well generous Dunx was letting someone practice on his scooter before buying their own. But it’s been an emotional time so to save on any more unnecessary embarrassment or trauma; we shall call the rider Ms X.
Here's a song about Miss X.

I know a girl called xxxxx
In scooters she saw terror; everyday.
Took her for a spin
Let her do the drivin; she was ok

Then wow she hit a wall
Didn’t see it coming at all
I just saw her fall and ran

She got up and walked away
The Gods it seemed had heard me pray: that night
Relieved to see that she was fine
She asked to drive it one more time: said alright

But wow; the scooter won’t go
The front wheel looks awfully low
Looks like we’re walking home, tonight

Hey xxxxx don’t you cry
Better to hit the kerb than a passerby
Hey xxxxx let me see you smile
Everybody crashes once in a while
Don’t you worry about a thing
That scooter needed a servicing
Wipe that mud off your face
You can share my happy place
Hey xxxxx drink your milky tea
A smile from you’s all I wanna see

Christmas Cosco: buy 20 get 10 free!

This weekend has been a collection of pre-Christmas shopping and chilling.
On Friday exhausted from the post xmas show week and chopping a bit of my finger off while cooking on thursday; Nick, Paz, Sam and i had some noodles at our usual and went to the cinema to see the late showing of Deja Vu with Denzel Washingotn in; wasn't bad... but by the end i was half asleep.
On Saturday; was planning to get up and go for a cycle (as i have the past 2 weeks) but the weather was cold and drizzley. Before i knew; it was time to go for lunch on Linda in Taichung. It was a way of saying thankyou for getting your clothes off at the xmas show: we were worried she'd want us to do it again. She took us to a proper indian curry house... we were all festivally plump by the end of it. Steve (her husband) had videoed the show and was going to give the staff a copy; but thanks to our routine; she's confident that she can sell them to parents.
As we were in the big city; we thought we might as well do a spot of shopping: popped into Nova and found myself flicking through laptop magazines comparing prices. very tempted to get an apple... watch this space.
We then went into Sogo (huge department store) where we all had a look for pressies for our secret Santa (to be revealed at Stu's house on xmas day); before working our way back home. Traffic in Taichung is crap; you can never simply 'pop in and out'. By the time we got back; we were late for Ross and Rea's xmas party (Changhua teachers). Nick, Katie and I took the train after a brief shower... and followed the route i remember taking after getting lost on the way back last time. It was a cool party; everyone was there. They had 3 types of cheese. grapes, cake and doritos by the bowl full: started to feel like xmas. I would have stayed longer, but knowing that the next day was the bi-anual trip to Cosco; i made my way back to the station; the last train pulled into Yuanlin at haf 2; I did the best i could to ride home without collapsing with hypothermia.
Woke at 8:30 this morning; downed a coffee and hitched a lift with Pascal into Changhua. We were using the two school 4x4s. Gemma, Sharne, Yarni and Stu were waiting for us with TAs Tina, Tracy, Sammy and friend.
Assuming that we would meet up at the other end; i went with the TAs. That was my first mistake of the day.
Sadly the two Coscos in East Taiwan are both 3 hours away from Changhua. After tossing a coin, we decided on going south to Kaoshung. Yarni knew the way so we would follow their car. Things started well, i was fed an egg and bacon pancake with soup. We were chatting about weather, the xmas show, xmas in general, when suddenly we weren't following Pascal anymore. We pulled up on the side of a road into the city. Turned out they'd stopped at some toilets a while back. Another ten minutes past. I asked if we all knew where the shop was. The TAs said 'yes'. So i suggested meeting at the shop rather than hanging around on the busy road. That was my second mistake. An hour past going round in circles lost in Kaoshung. By the time we arrived and parked... the teachers were almost finished and ready to head home. If there's one thing I've learnt out here it's that Taiwanese are hopeless at giving (and following for that matter) directions. It seemed pointless asking the others to wait while we shopped so they made their way home. The shop by the look of it, could have been any Cosco back in the UK. But walking round there were two things that made the experience 'more Taiwanese'. Firstly, like at home - when mother goes to get the shopping she takes the kids with her. Well here when mother gets the shopping she takes the kids, her parents, her sister and her kids and they all like to stop and talk mid-isle. Now the second thing is that the trolleys are bigger than Tesco's trolleys (for bulk buy), but the isles aren't! And on top of that, the back wheels are locked making manoeuvring round the aforementioned obstacles impossible for even the most experience trolley drivers - like myself.
Before long i'd stocked up on enough tuna, pasta and sauces to last me my contract. What i wanted to buy was some fruit and veg; but i didn't think i could get through 20 carrots before they went off... that would take some planning; carrot soup day one, carrot cake, day two, salad and grated carrot day three, a roast with carrots day 4 and i've still got 12 left! I did buy a giant tub of peanut butter and a huge box of porridge... bought to last, but the way im eating, i wouldn't give either longer than a month.
I was also tempted to stock up on meats but with the likelihood of getting lost on the way back being high, i decided to pass. Amazingly we didn't have any problems getting home, the TAs dropped me back at the house, which was nice, and before long I was drifting off to Shrek 2.

A Christmas show and hot chocolate

Christmas is fast approaching and although no-one over here really celebrates it; the shops have all put up decorations and plastic trees and cashiers have donned their Santa hats. Shane schools have taken down the bats and broomsticks to make way for snowflakes and smiling santas. The weather is now cool enough to wear a blanket at night and a jacket to work, but it still doesn't feel very festive.
In an effort to make us feel more Chrimassy, Linda (boss) decided to put on a Christmas show for the kids and parents. We were told about this before i went to Thailand. There would be songs and sketches by the Changhua students and teachers; there would be a dance by our Yuanlin TAs and then we would have a 5 minute slot for the Yuanlin teachers to do a sketch or something. Well for two weeks we threw ideas around the staffroom. Do a comedy sketch dressed as girls, students, monkeys; a pie throwing contest, a talentless singing competition...Andre even suggested doing the full monty. but everything we came up with had either been done before or the humour would be lost in translation. Meanwhile the TAs had put together a fantastic dance routine and were rehearsing daily.
The weekend before the show and getting desperate we bought some whisky and a copy of The Full Monty and came back to our house. By 4:30 in the morning we had a dance (well syncronised movement) thanks mainly to Tim for the first two minutes of the tune 'You can leave your hat on.' What we didn't have were costumes, music and time. On Sunday we finalised our dance and went into to town to buy some outfits. Obviously we weren't going to be doing the 'full' monty as kids would be watching. We had hoped to be wearing gorilla outfits underneath; but we couldnt find four big enough. So we resorted to buying skirts and frilly tops (less than a fiver). A foriegner in Yuanlin gets stared at enough; but when 4 blokes buy womens clothes together... well! We'd have got away with it, had Nick not come out of the changing rooms still wearing his pink skirt. The next five days were a little stressful. Between teaching, marking four sets of exams and doing 2 presentations; I was stitching up velcro patches on my trousers, burning CDs and practicing the routine.
It got to the night before the show. First time in full dress (so to speak): jacket, tie, shirt, T-shirt, girlie top, trousers, skirt and school hat. We went through the routine and to our relief the velcro worked... it was then that Pascal announced that no-one had ever done this before at a show, he wasn't quite sure how the audience would react to us stripping. So far we hadn't told anybody about what we were doing. Was this to be the end of our careers?
On Saturday, we drove down to the theatre after some last minute adjustments. Pascal had led us to believe that it was a 1000-seater city hall type building. But when we arrived we were a little shocked to find it a cosy little temple style building with only 300 seats. A little too personal for what we were planning.
As we looked round at all the little kiddies with their respectable parents, we wondered: What are we doing! Whose idea was this? Then we remembered; it was Andre's - and he's on holiday in South Africa. Pants! A few of the Changhua teachers tried to guess what we were doing. A few came close but only jokingly "I'm not gonna here Hot Chocolate am I?" said Dave.


The show started promptly and row on row of students went past in their Christmas costumes. Christmas! We should have had santa outfits underneath! Idiot! Ah well, too late now. We were told to get changed. The cubical was small and very hot... I was just about to come out, when i remembered I'd not put my skirt on. Another ten minutes undoing velcro and reattaching... i was sweating like mad. I walked carefully past the line of kids praying that none of them pulled on my trousers.
We got our que and walked out past a line of beeming TAs.
The audience was silent... the odd titter about our school hats... and then there was a lifetime waiting for the music to start. For the first few bars we were pretty convinced that it was over... but then some angel started clapping..and before long everyone was loving it. Stu was at the front snapping away and Linda's husband had a video camera running... it was like being back at manchester. When we got to the final fling; my trousers went a little further than expected... but a nice lady brought them back to the stage. The lights didn't go out as expected so we bid everyone merry christmas, gathered any clothes we could find and scuttled off back stage.
The TAs dance went like clockwork... made our strip look tame: it's not surprising that Linda has the most successful school in Taiwan. What father wouldnt want to go to a show with 20 young ladies jumping around the stage in leotards? Very sly!
It was very nearly the highlight of the show; but that title was stolen by Dave's three musketeers at the end... who were just superb: comic genius, confident kids and snazzy outfits.
The whole evening went down very well so Linda treated us to a meal at The Temple restaurant. Ross's (Ch teacher) parents were in Taiwan and had watched the show. They joined us for the meal. I think they were surprised how much we could all eat. The food just kept coming in Taiwanese fashion; and I kept eating. The rotating table made things more exciting: looking around I noticed that everyone's table manners had declined somewhat since being out here.


Afterwards; most of us went on to Bono's bar for some celebratory drinks and pool (Gemma, Jena, Sharne, Pas, Rob, Andy, Nick).